I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
