My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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