the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
