he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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