I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
