I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
