Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
