i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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