just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
