We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
