I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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