I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
