thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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