I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
