I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
