So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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