i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
