i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
