I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
