Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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