he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
