If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
