is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
