She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
