You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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