do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
