Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
