But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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