Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
