My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
