if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
