I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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