There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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