2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
