So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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