did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I party with great urgency now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
