all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
