I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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