jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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