I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
