Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
