im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
