Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
