I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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