I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He felt like a one man threesome
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
