I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
