i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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