I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
