you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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