Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
