If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
