Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
