he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
