Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
