I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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