Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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