The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
