she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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