How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
